What's in a Name?
by Xandera-Orelia
Summary: We all know James, Sirius, Remus and Peter as the Marauders, but how did they pick that name? A series of oneshots with some of Sirius' worse ideas and the others' reactions to them. Now with pranks! Please R&R - suggestions for other names appreciated
1. Four Wizards of Doom

**A/N: The inspiration for this story came when Avery-Lou was working on chapter 11 of _Shrieking Shack_. The first in her _James Potter_ series, _James Potter and the Immortal Icon,_ is listed on my favorite stories. This begins sometime early in their second year. The dialog flowed well, and I had a lot of fun with these characters, so I decided to turn it** **into a series of oneshots. Updates will be periodic - when inspiration strikes me. Want inspiration to hit me sooner? Leave me a review with another potential group name or prank and I'll see what I can do with it. Enjoy!**

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><p>"Okay guys," Sirius began after History of Magic one day. "I know I've come up with some crazy ideas before, but this time I have <em>got<em> it!"

Remus groaned into his pillow. "Not another stupid group name? There are four of us, we're friends, and that's all there should be. No need for fancy labels."

"Aww, but this one is perfect! You know how Binns was droning on about the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse today?"

"Yeah," James muttered, "I can't believe that old ghost could make the end of the world sound so boring."

"Oh, that's just what we get for having a ghost as a professor. Anyways, we've complained about him a million times. This is something better. Instead of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, we could be the Four Wizards of Doom."

"If that's the case, I'm calling Death," James interjected.

"No way! My _last name _is Black and my family was in Slytherin for how many generations?"

"Uh yeah, but _you're_ not. Aren't you proud to be the first Black in Gryffindor?"

"Obviously, but I'm still better qualified to be Death." The two boys began glaring at each other.

Anxious to avoid a fight, Peter offered, "Would that make Moony Pestilence? He or his mum always seem to be sick."

Remus threw his pillow at Peter. "Leave me out of it."

James laughed. "That would make you Famine, Pete. Remember that muggle-born first year who sat next to you at the start of term feast? She didn't eat a bite."

"How is that my fault?"

"Obviously," Sirius jibed, "your face is so ugly it took away her appetite."

"You've been plowing through your care packages from Mrs. Potter just fine."

"Are you kidding me?" Sirius asked. "Her fudge is delicious enough to overcome even Snivellus's face."

The boys all laughed until Remus had a thought. "How does James end up as War?"

"But of course," James argued, "I am a chivalrous Gryffindor knight and if anyone dares to tell me otherwise, I'll run them through with my magic sword." Grabbing his Quidditch broom, he began to fence with thin air until the other "Wizards of Doom" tackled him to the ground and someone managed to stun him.


	2. Fantastic Four

**A/N: Things took a different turn after this chapter, because I started including pranks with the names. Now this is my least favorite chapter, so if you don't like it, give me another chance? I'm considering redoing this someday as Lily pranking the boys. We'll see.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
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><p>James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all sitting in the Gryffindor common room, working on various assignments.<p>

"I got it!" Sirius shouted. "It's so simple, why didn't I think of this before?"

Peter leaned over to look at his papers. "Did you figure out that Astronomy problem? It's been bugging me for two days."

"Not homework, you twit, our group name."

"Oh, this again." James stood and stretched, then pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "What are we this time? The Four House Elves of the Common Room? I'm not cleaning up your mess again."

"No, that's a stupid name. Like I said, it's simple… the Fantastic Four. There are four of us, we _are_ fantastic, and it's even alliterative!"

A snort was heard from the chair behind them. The boys all peered around it to see fellow second year Lily Evans doubled over to keep from laughing.

"What's with you, Evans?" James asked.

"A sudden mental image of Sirius as Sue Storm."

This drew a chuckle from Remus, but the others continued to stare at her.

She sighed. "It's a muggle comic."

They gave her a blank look.

"Um, a picture book with dialogue? These four people get blasted with radiation and get special powers they then use to defend the planet."

"Who's that Sue Storm?" Sirius demanded "I'm no damsel in distress."

"Don't worry, Sirius," Lily replied. "Sue can defend herself rather well. She turns invisible and can project force fields, all while wearing this skin-tight outfit. I'm sure you'll be very pretty in it. Blue's a great color for you."

"Wh- wh-" Sirius spluttered. "I'm not a girl! And much as you'd looove to see it, I am not wearing any tight outfits!"

"Then you'd have to be the Thing," Remus added. "His whole body turns to solid rock, so he can't wear clothes. Actually, I think he's my favorite. He puts up with a permanent change while the rest of them shift back and forth. He can defend people."

"Ugh," Sirius commented, "you can have rock boy. Aren't there any cool characters in this group?"

"Oh, I'm sure you'd like Johnny." Remus said with a smile.

"The hothead?" Lily added. "They're practically the same person."

Sirius and Peter looked to Remus to explain.

"Johnny Storm, Sue's brother, is also called the Human Torch. His body, or just parts of it, can catch on fire whenever he wants. When his whole body is aflame, he can fly."

"Sweet! That one's me," Sirius stated.

"He's also the immature moron of the group," Remus added under his breath. "He's even the one who names the members of their group."

"Eh, leave me out of this one, guys," James requested as he started to walk away. "I don't feel like 'defending the planet' tonight. I need some sleep."

"Well I don't want to be the girl" Peter complained. "Aren't they the Fantastic _Four_? Who's the last one?"

"Reed Richards," Lily supplied. "Maybe I should just bring you guys an issue or two after Christmas. One of my friends at my old school really liked comics. I could probably find some _Betty and Veronica's Digest_ for Sirius, too." Then she gathered her things and went up to the girls' dormitory.

"Hmph," Sirius grumped. "There's another one to scratch off the list."

"You have a list!" Peter's face looked horrified. "How long are you going to keep this up?"

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><p><strong>AN: Actually, I see it working more like this:**

**Remus is the smartest of the bunch, so he's Reed**

**James is incredibly loyal, so he's Ben**

**Sirius is an immature hothead, so he's still Johnny**

**Peter always tries to fade into the background when I write one of these, so he's Sue**

**And NO, this does not mean I ship Remus/Peter.**

**I'll leave it to someone else to write the real crossover. Let me know if you do?  
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	3. House Elves of the Common Room

"You know, James," Sirius said at breakfast the next day, "there might be something to your idea of Four House Elves of the Common Room."

"Are you kidding me, Sirius?" James stared incredulously at his best friend. "I made that up to show you how stupid this whole idea is."

"Besides," Remus added, "what would you have us do? Make togas out of our bedsheets and clean up after our housemates in the middle of the night?"

"Yuck! I don't fancy togas." Peter grimaced.

"No, no." Sirius chided, "no one will see us if all goes well, and cleaning would absolutely be the worst prank ever. I'm just saying that this name deserves a trial run."

"Another prank?" James' eyes lit up. "The Slytherins have been looking far too smug lately. What's the scam?"

"It's all in the name, mate. The Four House Elves of the _Common Room_."

"How would we get into the Slytherin common room?" Peter asked, "We don't even know where it is, let alone getting the password."

"Cheer up, Pete," Sirius admonished, "I'm sure we can trick it out of Snivellus somehow."

Remus went on the defensive. "Well, whatever you're planning, leave me out of it."

"But Remus," James tried to make his eyes as big as possible, "my dumb name was the _Four _House Elves of the Common Room. You have to help us."

"No, I don't. The last thing I need this month is a detention."

"Like we'd get caught" Sirius scoffed.

"Forget it." Remus told them sternly. "You'll just have to change it to the House Elves of the Common Room and leave numbers out of it."

"I guess saying 'four' would give the teachers a big clue who did it…" James allowed, "Got any more good suggestions?"

"Don't use Snivellus." Remus tried.

"What! Why not?" Sirius cried. "We always prank him."

"Exactly. Try those sixth years, Crabbe and Goyle. They look stupid enough to tell a first year the password, assuming they can remember it."

"Sure you won't be joining us? The House Elves could use brains like yours."

"I'm sure, Sirius. Now let me finish eating."

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><p>Much to Remus's dismay, planning for the new prank continued the rest of the day, from notes passed in class, to whispers in the hall, to full debates during free times. He feigned a headache just to go to bed early and get away from his friends' scheming.<p>

The first step the "House Elves of the Common Room" took was to visit the _actual_ house elves. James, Sirius, and Peter snuck down to the kitchens shortly after dinner the next day. Given that it was still free time, there was no reason to worry about getting spotted on their way to the painting of assorted fruits. Tickling the pear turned the painting into a door that opened onto the kitchens, as the boys had discovered last year.

The house elves all looked up as the door opened. They smiled to see students visiting them. "How may we help you, sirs?" One elf had stepped away from the dishes to take care of them.

Sirius took a breath before asking for his favorite desserts, never mind that he had just finished dinner. However, James stepped on his foot and asked "Which of you is good at embroidery?" Immediately, half of the house elves dropped their work to come and boast of their skills in needlework.

Peter took a step back, alarmed by the sudden mob. "Who doesn't have another job to do right now?"

"Awww" the majority of the group complained. They went back to cleaning up. This left two small women, looking embarrassed that they hadn't been working.

"This is just perfect" Sirius said, dragging them to a smaller room of to the side of the kitchens.

"What we need is the Slytherin crest embroidered on a spare scrap of material, a good replica for transfiguration. Oh, and do you think you could put some words on there too?"

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><p>Regulus shut off his alarm clock and yawned. It had been a <em>late<em> night studying for a History of Magic exam. Probably much too late, he felt in danger of falling asleep during the exam. All of his dorm-mates were gone, probably at breakfast, but that wasn't surprising. What did finally wake him up were the unusual sounds coming from the Common Room.

Fumbling around to find his robes, Regulus stuck his head out of the door and shouted "What's going on up there?" but didn't hear anything except for some squeaks. He hurried to get dressed and rushed as up the stairs as fast as his sleepy body would take him.

The Common Room was a total wreck. Papers had been shredded and tossed everywhere. The Slytherin banner had a large X painted over it in bright red. On the announcement board, everything had been thrown off and a black piece of fabric pinned in its place. This fabric had the Slytherin crest and the words House Elves of the Common Room going around it in silver. The mess of course, could be cleared, but the noise was unbearable.

Regulus took a deep breath to shout "What's wrong with you all?" but clapped a hand over his mouth as his words came out in a horrendous, high squeak, much like could be heard coming from people all around the room.

_This could have been my brother._ He thought as he walked to breakfast, figuring some prefect would eventually relate the story to Professor Snape or Madam Pomfrey and everyone's voices would get fixed. _Who else would think of making us sound like house elves? Nah, he's only a second year, how could he perform whatever charm did this? And to all of us? No. It must have been that Jones girl. She's a sixth year in Gryffindor, and she's always going on about how we should show more respect to the house elves. She even mailed a flyer to Mum, once._ He shuddered at the memory of her screaming. _Yeah, this is way more her style, right?_

Regulus's musing got him to the great hall, and he dug into his breakfast gratefully, starting to review his History notes, but not being able to focus because he wanted to know how long his voice would be so terrible. Suddenly an enchanted paper airplane hit him in the forehead, having come from the Gryffindor table. He unfolded it to read:

_Good morning little brother! How are you?_

_It WAS him! _Shooting his best death glare at Sirius, Regulus scribbled "I hate you sooo much" on the paper, folded it back into the airplane shape, then crumpled it into a ball and threw it across the room, where it landed in his brother's milk.

Laughing, Sirius dug the note out of his milk. He turned to James. "See, your name is actually pretty good! The Slytherins won't be forgetting this one for a while."

"Yeah," James allowed, "but we left that name at the scene. If we started to use it now, we'd get caught."


	4. Nice

**A/N: No one wrote in with suggestions, so I took my first review a bit... literally. Thanks anonymous reviewer! It's my favorite chapter to date, so here's hoping you enjoy it, too.  
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><p>"What about our group name?" Sirius asked one evening. It was a rainy Friday in March. Remus was studying in the library and James was out getting soaked in the name of quidditch practice, so it was just Sirius and Peter. They were sitting on Peter's bed, sorting through chocolate frog cards.<p>

"Well, you _have_ learned that if a name is used for a prank, it can't be used in public, right?" Peter pleaded, remembering the lines they'd had to write for Professor McGonagall after Sirius had let 'House Elves of the Common Room' slip in Transfiguration the week before.

_I shall not enter another house's dormitory. Additionally, it is immature and inconsiderate to change people's voices._

"250 lines each," he complained. "My wrist is still sore."

"Oh, sure. I've got that figured." Sirius didn't sound as though he much cared. "This name I came up with last night would only work if it were spoken publically. _And_ it will give people a better impression of us." He paused for effect. "We're NICE."

Peter burst out laughing. "Nice? Can you imagine actually using that?" He pantomimed shaking hands. "Hello, I'm _nice._"

Sirius chuckled. "Maybe you're right. But you know, that's not a bad idea for a prank…"

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><p>The next morning, James swaggered down the stairs to the Great Hall for breakfast. <em>Last night's practice may have been brutal, but it will all be worth it when Gryffindor emerges victorious over Hufflepuff today.<em> He high-fived a few of his housemates as he walked along the Gryffindor table to where his three best friends had saved him a seat.

"I'm starving." He announced, and began to fill his plate. He had only just finished his third piece of toast when Nora Summerfield, the first year the boys liked to tease Peter about, walked up with a note.

"Which of you is Mr. Lupin?" she asked, looking at each of the four in turn. "I have a message for him from Professor McGonagall."

"Oo – looks like she heard about the _Four_ House Elves of the Common Room." Sirius joked. "Well, I'm not sticking around to help you write lines. Good luck today 'Mr. Parkin.'" He walked off, stopping only to steal his brother's hat as he passed the Slytherin table. James chuckled at Sirius calling him the famous chaser. _Some day_, he thought, _the name of Potter will be just as legendary._

Remus turned to the girl. "I'm nice," he said, holding out his hand for the note. A confused look passed across his features. "I'm NICE." He said it a bit more forcefully this time. "Nice Bookworm"

James smothered a laugh. _What is Remus saying?_ he mused.

Remus took a deep breath. "No, it's N-I-C-E B-O-O…" he broke off. James realized that while he had been _hearing_ Remus insult himself, he was actually mouthing the letters of his own name.

Laughing nearly uncontrollably, Peter turned to Nora. "I think you can go." He took the note from her and stuffed it in his pocket.

"Man, what have you been drinking?" James reached for Remus's goblet and sniffed at the contents. "Well, I only smell pumpkin juice, but who can tell?" He set it down as far from himself as his arms would allow.

"Then why don't you drink some?" Remus shoved the goblet back at James.

"Fine." James took the pumpkin juice back and drank it all. "My name is James Potter." He enunciated clearly, "Guess it wasn't anything in your juice, Remus."

"I guess that rules one thing out." Remus sighed. "Thanks for trying, Exalted Master of the School." Upon hearing the words, he froze. "You!" he stared hard at James. "You did this to me? Throw me off the roof, now!"

"Um, Remus, mate?" James began, explaining as though to a child. "We're on the ground floor. And anyways, I don't quite think you're _that_ crazy. What happened to you?"

"Aargh!" Remus grabbed fistfuls of his hair in frustration. "Who did this to me? Was it you, Peter?"

Both Remus and James turned to stare at their friend. "Peter?" Remus tried again. "Why can I say _your_ name, but not… his?" He gestured towards James, not wishing to hear the ridiculous name again.

Peter shrunk lower in his seat. "I don't know, maybe it only works on some people, to throw suspicion off of whoever did this to you. Try some other names."

"Alright, who?"

"How about the guy that isn't here?" James suggested.

"He Who is Unworthy to-"

"That's no name, try Sirius Black."

"He Who is Unworthy to Stand in the Shadow of the Master. Wow, that's a really long name."

"No kidding." Peter joked. "But wouldn't Sirius praise himself as the 'Grand Prankmaster' or something like that if he had done this to you?"

"Well," James stood up, brushing crumbs off of his robes, "I risked myself by testing your pumpkin juice, Remus. I think that's all the help you can expect from me until after the match."

"Ah, flying broomsticks!" Remus put his head down in his hands. "I can't go like this. Who know what will come out of my big fat gob next?"

"You could try not saying anything…"

"You're right, Peter. I won't talk, but no way am I watching the match. I'm not leaving the book heaven until I've figured this out."

It took nearly two hours of searching, but Remus finally found a clue about what had been done to him. He read:

_The _emendo _charm, which can selectively change words spoken by its victim, was first cataloged  
>in <em>More Charms for a Rainy Day_ in 1532. Interestingly, it is the only known spell where the caster  
>has conscious control over what object or counter-charm will lift it. Regardless, the effects usually<br>wear off in three days time._

_Okay,_ he thought, _I just have to find this book. No way am I waiting three days._ His search of the stacks revealed _Charms for a Rainy Day_ and the most recent volume, _Still More Charms for a Rainy Day,_ which was published only a century ago. However, the third and desperately sought-after second volumes were missing. Remus jotted down the pertinent information on a spare scrap and brought it up to Madame Pince.

"_More Charms for a Rainy Day,_ eh?" Her gaze seemed to peer through Remus's soul. "It's nice enough today, if you would venture out of doors." Seeing the determined look in his eyes, she turned to search through her records. "Checked out last night," She informed him, "by a Mr. Sirius Black."

"The one who is unworthy to stand in the shadow of the master, indeed. I didn't think he even knew what 'subtle' meant. Or 'misdirection' for that matter." Remus muttered as he stormed off towards Gryffindor Tower.

Remus was so upset that he walked right past the entrance to a secret passage that led to the seventh floor. His feet followed the more traditional path which he had tread so many times during his first year, back before he became friends with the other boys in his year and they showed him more efficient ways to travel. Following this route took longer, but he made it to the Fat Lady's portrait. _What was the password again?_ He wondered. _Oh yeah, it's 'deer tail' right now._

He approached the Fat Lady. "Hippogriff poo." He turned scarlet. _Oh, no! I can't even say the password. When I get my hands on Sirius…_

He was saved from plotting murder by the arrival of Lily Evans. "Hey Remus, did you forget the password? It's deer tail."

"Um, not exactly. How was the match?" He tried to change the subject.

"You didn't go? And now you're hiding out here? Remus, what's wrong?"

He just shrugged, not wanting to talk about it, even if he could.

"You could always go to Professor McGonagall if you don't want to tell me." Lily looked hurt at the thought that her friend wouldn't want to share something important with her.

"No way!" Remus interjected, "I'm not going to the Cat Lady about this."

"Ugh, it's like you're turning into another Potter or Black! Forget I even asked." Lily gave the password, "Deer tail," and stomped into the common room, nearly slamming the portrait in Remus's face.

_Merlin's beard, look how mad Lily got. This really must be Sirius's doing. James is the only other person I know who could rile her that much. _On that note, he strode through the portrait hole, across the common room, and up the stairs to his dormitory, in search of his tormentor.

"Lowest slime of the Earth." Remus pointed an accusing finger at Sirius.

Looking shocked, Sirius glanced behind him. "Snape isn't in here, you didn't possibly mean _me_, did you?"

"I figured his name would be an insult, though frankly, I was expecting a bit more. Regardless, you have just proved that you're the evil prankster who ruined my day. And really, couldn't you have picked a different day? Today was _supposed _to be special. Remove this curse, now." He pressed his wand under Sirius's chin, threats evident in his whole stance.

"Now calm down, Rems." Sirius tried to placate his victim. "The way to reverse the charm isn't another spell, it's a thing. A thing that is in the kitchens." He licked his lips at the thought of all the wonderful food he'd nicked from the kitchens in the past two years.

"He Who is Unworthy to! The kitchens are off limits to students, you know that. Or you _should_, at any rate."

"Would you rather wait three days for it to wear off on its own?" The gleam in Sirius's eye said he already knew what Remus's answer would be. "If you're really worried, we could steal James's cloak, but that would take _all _the fun out of it. I mean, it's not even like we're past curfew."

In the end, Remus decided to forgo the cloak, not knowing how James would react to finding it missing. He refused to talk to Sirius on the way down, but otherwise they looked like two perfectly innocent students walking around the castle before dinner on a Saturday. No one stopped them as they made their way to the secret entrance to the kitchens, Sirius leading.

Sirius opened the door and pushed Remus through. "Oh, just get in there, Mopey."

"Surprise!" Peter, James, and all of the house elves were smiling at Remus. They stood around a large chocolate cake which read 'Happy Birthday Remsy' and was decorated in Gryffindor colors and had thirteen chocolate frogs jumping all over it, getting coated in frosting.

Sirius strutted in with a smirk on his face. "Happy birthday, mate. Frosting is the cure."

Peter jumped in, "We had to get you into the kitchens somehow…"

"Honestly, I knew nothing about this until after the match Remus. I don't agree with what they did to you, but I hope it didn't ruin your day." James gave his friend a hug. "Happy thirteenth, and many more to come."

"Well," Remus mused, "I can think of one way to make my day better." He took a piece of cake in each hand and shoved them in Sirius's face. He then licked the frosting from his fingers. "Sirius Black, you are the most ridiculous friend I've ever had. _Aguamenti!_" Water shot from his wand to soak the young wizard, who was still trying to wipe cake off his face.

Peter tried to run away, but James stunned him. "May I?" He asked, picking up a piece of cake.

Remus shrugged. "They might as well match."

Weeks later, Remus realized that he'd suffered through worse birthdays, and spending the afternoon with friends, eating cake and ruining their appetites for dinner wasn't so bad after all. The presents he got after dinner didn't hurt either. In years to come, he would look back on it as the day he realized pranks could be harmless and a lot of fun, especially if they were played on Sirius.


	5. Pavlov's Apprentices

**A/N: I'm back! Sorry this took so long. I finally get some people on alert and then I leave this chapter 3/4 written for a month. Don't know what to say except thank you to everyone who had reviewed or alterted! You make my days special.**

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><p>Rrrring!<p>

Bleary-eyed, Remus woke up and silenced his alarm clock. He reached under his bead, groping for his wand, the frowned when he encountered something sticky. Pulling the hand back out, Remus was dismayed when he realized it was covered in frosting. "The rest of my cake!" he moaned, then proceeded to lick off his fingers. His mind drifted back over the embarrassing events of his birthday, which had ended with this cake. _That's enough, _he decided, _today I'm going to find a way to pay Sirius back for all of his pranks these past two years._

Naturally, classes came first in Remus's mind. His still did occasionally find his thoughts wandering to prank ideas, but never having done one before, he didn't have many. Rather than ask James – this was his own revenge – Remus fell back on his habits and went to the library. _Or 'book heaven,' as Sirius made me call it, _he thought bitterly.

The library just didn't seem as inspiring as usual. Remus considered looking through the _Charms for a Rainy Day_ series, where the _emendo_ charm had come from, but obviously Sirius was familiar with those particular books. In desperation, he found himself in the Animal Training section. _Why not? Sirius acts like a wild animal sometimes._

After that, it didn't take long for Remus to get – or rather, copy – an idea. The hex he would need didn't even look to be all that difficult to tailor to suit his needs. The only problem was that he would have to let James and Peter in on his plans.

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><p><em>Here's hoping these two can keep a reasonably straight face…<em> Remus had pulled James and Peter into an empty classroom after dinner. It helped that he'd been refilling Sirius's goblet all through the meal, using _aguamenti _whenever the boy's attention was elsewhere. He'd nearly sprinted to the bathroom following dessert.

"What's going on here, Remus John?" James asked, slightly irritated. "Couldn't we have waited for Sirius?"

Remus blushed. "First of all, _Jamie_," James gasped in anger, "only my mother calls me that. Second, we could not wait for Sirius because then the prank would never work." Remus stepped closer to James, trying to stare him down.

It didn't work. James cracked a huge grin, "Prank! Does Little Remmy actually want to prank someone? I never thought I'd live to see the day!" He pulled a spluttering Remus into a hug.

Remus pushed his friend away. "No one is calling me 'Little Remmy' unless they want me to prank _him_ next."

"Wow, Remus!" Peter exclaimed, "You really are getting into the pranking business."

"Now, can I explain my idea to you two? Sirius will probably get suspicious if we're gone for too much longer." When no one interrupted, he continued. "Good. It's a fairly simple plan, and if it works out, we might get Sirius to stop inventing ridiculous group names all the time. I have to warn you, though. It will take one final name to make him stop."

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><p>"So, fellow adventurers of this institute of learning, who wants to guess what I discovered in Study Hall today?" Remus waltzed up to the Gryffindor table for lunch, excited to enact his first prank.<p>

"Let me try," Sirius offered sarcastically, "did you come up with the lamest name for us _ever?_"

"Oh come on, Sirius," Peter defended Remus, "Nice was absolutely worse."

"Regardless," James stepped in to get the prank started, "what did you find? A new secret passage?"

"Well, no." Remus admitted, "I found a mentor for us, a man to serve as inspiration."

"I thought the Prewett twins taught us all we'd ever need to know about pranks." Sirius moped.

"I wouldn't know; I never spent much time with those troublemakers." Remus was trying to hold back both his anger and his amusement. "Anyways, there's more to life than pranks. Wouldn't you say we're explorers, determined to know these halls better than anyone before us?"

"We have found some ways out of the castle that Filch doesn't seem to know about," James allowed.

"Well, Ivan Pavlov was an explorer, a _great_ one. He was the first man to see inside the pyramids of Egypt." Remus knew that this part of the prank required Sirius to have a limited knowledge of both magical History and muggle Psychology, but he figured he was safe there. And if Sirius did say something, Remus could always jokingly congratulate him on having opened his books enough to gain that bit of rudimentary knowledge.

"Pavlov's Cartographers? That doesn't sound too bad. I'm surprised at you." Sirius seemed to have forgotten Remus's slight to his idols, the Prewetts.

"I wasn't really trying to give us another name, but since you bring it up, how about 'Pavlov's _Apprentices?'_ As explorers, we need to do a lot more than make maps." Remus held his breath, hoping it would work.

"Pavlov's Apprentices it is, then. Right, mates?" They nodded. Remus's breath rushed out; he was suddenly very glad James was helping him.

James raised his goblet. "A toast to us, Pavlov's Apprentices!"

"Pavlov's Apprentices," the other three echoed. Everyone took a deep drink, then slammed their goblets back on the table.

Sirius chuckled. At Peter's questioning look, he explained it. "Who would have guessed it would be _Remus_ who came up with a name we can all like?"

"Yeah, it seemed just about as likely as Remus pulling a prank!" Peter earned himself a kick under the table from both sides at once. He winced and tried to send an apologetic glance Remus's way, but found his friend rather preoccupied with hexing Sirius Black.

_So it turns out that James is very good at keeping a straight face. Peter less so, but he'll laern how to hide his face when it might betray him._ As for Remus, he was determined for everything to go just right, and so found no difficulty in hiding his feelings. _After all, I do have _some_ experience with keeping a secret._

* * *

><p>For three days, the boys used the phrase 'Pavlov's Apprentices' rather often. Sirius gradually realized that the static shocks he'd been feeling always came after someone said the new group name. It was also getting stronger. In fact, Sirius was beginning to wonder how he'd ever thought it could merely be static. <em>What if it's a prank?<em> He wondered, _nah, it's not James's style. It can't hurt to test the waters, though. Are they down in the Common Room?_

Sirius walked down the stairs to the Common Room, trying to appear casual. _If I bring it up, then they'll know it's bothering me… _He joined in the small talk until James suggested that 'Pavlov's Apprentices' sneak out to explore the Forbidden Forest.

"Do any of you feel something when we use that name?" Sirius ventured, focusing on James's expression, as he was the only other person in the group who would plan pranks.

James only showed confusion. "What should we be feeling? A big, fuzzy, mental group hug?" He scoffed, "'Cause I sure don't feel it. In fact, I would say _you_ don't even like our name any more."

"That's not it," Sirius hastened to assure them. _Hmm, what is it if not a prank?_ "Whenever I hear or say that name, it feels like I'm being hit by lightning."

"Sure you aren't imagining it?" Peter studied Sirius's eyes. "I don't want to hang around with someone who's mental."

"I'm sure." Sirius returned Peter's scrutiny with a fierce glare.

"What if it's a curse?" Remus suggested. "You know, what if Pavlov had a rivalry with one of the Blacks, so he cursed the whole family so they couldn't bear to hear his name? You should go check it out Sirius, what if the curse is deadly? And don't ask me to do it for you; I could never remember the names of all of you ancestors."

"Fine, I'll try it." Sirius began to storm out, but turned back. "No leaving this castle without me. I'll break this curse and then we're sneaking out."

The boys waited until Sirius had been gone for perhaps 30 seconds before laughing and high-fiving each other. "How mad do you think he'll be?" Peter asked, looking from Remus to James.

"Dunno," James replied, "but I can't wait to see his face when he learns it was Remus!"

* * *

><p>"The LIBRARY," Sirius grumbled as he walked, "<em>I<em> have to go to the library. This is a job for a bookworm, not me." _If I could get Regulus to say the name, then we'd know if it's a family curse or not. But I don't know where my brother is, and I would still end up back here if it IS a curse. Better to just get it all done in one go._

He grudgingly pushed the doors open. As he walked in, Sirius instinctively tried to avoid the gaze of the librarian, Madame Pince, who always seemed to know when a student was up to no good. _Wait,_ he realized, _I'm actually _not _trying to cause trouble right now. Maybe she could help me._ Nervously, he stepped back out into the open and approached the intimidating woman's desk.

"Yes, Mr. Black?" As usual, Madame Pince seemed to peer directly into his soul.

"I was looking for a book on …" he took a deep breath, bracing himself, "Ivan Pavlov?" This was the worst shock yet. It seemed to shoot down his spine, trickling fingers of pain across his back and shoulders. Reflexively, he winced.

"I should begin a list of everything you and Mr. Lupin do in here; you're always checking up on one another. And don't look so pained to be here! Libraries are important places of learning, though I don't see what good _you_ would do with books on animal training. What are you planning to sneak into the castle? A hippogriff?" All of this was delivered in a whisper so severe that Sirius almost wished she had been yelling at him.

"Nothing. What does … he have to do with animal training?" Madame Pince gestured to the books rather than answer, so Sirius followed his one clue and began to search the Animal Training section. It didn't take him long to find a work titled _Pavlov's Dogs_. Fortunately, it seemed that reading the name had no effect. Turning the book over, he read the passage on the back cover:

_Classical conditioning is a process of behavior modification by which a subject comes to  
>respond in a desired manner to a previously neutral stimulus that has been repeatedly<br>presented along with an unconditioned stimulus that elicits the desired response._

_Muggle Ivan Pavlov tested this theory in his experiments with dogs. The dogs salivated  
>when presented with food, and through repeated exposure, he conditioned them to<br>salivate at the sound of a bell. Inside, you will learn how this principle can help you  
>keep gnomes out of your garden and your toads croaking in tune. You might even<br>be able to train your friends!_

_So it was a prank!_ Sirius nearly shouted this, but remembered he was in the library just in time. He took the time to thank Madame Pince, and then headed back to Gryffindor Tower, fuming all the while. _I should have known this was a prank all along. Why this is probably a stinging jinx of some sort. No family curse would be so weak. It was quick thinking for Remus to make that up, I never thought HE could pull off a prank. Wait…_ "Remus! Remus Lupin pulled a prank?" He exclaimed, shock evident across his face. "I'd praise him for a job well-done, but he has to learn not to mess with ME."

* * *

><p>Peter had allowed himself to be swayed by James's arguments for a time, but after half an hour of celebration, his worries returned. <em>Just how will Sirius react to the prank?<em> He wondered. Peter knew that when any of the Slytherins tricked or bullied Sirius, he tended to loose his temper. _But a friend?_ James had never done more than steal sweets from his best friend, and though Peter himself would join in with pranks, he never had the inspiration to cause mischief on his own.

_Then again,_ Peter continued,_ Sirius started this himself. He's constantly quipping at Remus, and then there's that prank on his birthday… _Peter was still a little ashamed of his part in that. _Sure, we needed a way to get him down to the kitchens, but all that time in the library and missing quidditch ON HIS BIRTHDAY? Even James got upset over that, if only because it meant someone had missed seeing him play quidditch._ But he knew that dwelling on it wouldn't help anything. The only thing to do right now was wait.

The wait turned out not to be that long. Barely five minutes after Peter had begun to worry in earnest, Sirius climbed through the portrait hole. As soon as he entered the Common Room, he straightened up, his posture much better than usual. His eyes darted across the three friends. James appeared unconcerned, slouching in one chair with his feet resting on another. Peter had shrunk down in his seat, trying to avoid Sirius's gaze. But Remus sat upright on the edge of the cushion, wand spread across his lap, though his hand rested on the handle.

"Animal training!" Sirius bellowed. "Do you think I'm some kind of dog that you can teach to roll over?"

"No," Remus started, a smirk on his face. But Sirius cut him off.

"How about you try training THIS!" Sirius pointed his wand at a roll of parchment, which was the first page of Remus's Defense Against the Dark Arts essay.

The parchment had obviously been transfigured. It began to fold itself up, much like some origami Peter's mother had dragged him to a museum to see. Once done folding, it was in the shape of a dog. The now dog-shaped homework turned to face Remus and began to growl. It jumped from the table onto Remus's hand, which it bit. With a yelp of surprise, Remus flung the paper dog to the floor. On the floor, the dog tried to bite Remus's shoes, but when that did not work it sat down and chewed on its own tail until Sirius reversed the spell.

"Don't mess with me again," Sirius warned, "or I'll attack you with something more than a sheet of homework. Now let's go out to the forest. I need some good rule-breaking after these last three days!"

Peter agreed to this suggestion, hoping to distract Sirius from further revenge attempts. But then Sirius surprised him.

"Looks like we'll have to throw Remus another party. That has the makings of a good prank. Imagine if we could stop the Slytherins from saying 'pure blood' or their house name!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The definition of classical conditioning comes from thefreedictionary . com. I don't own anything. I realize that Remus's prank is more an example of punishment than classical conditioning, but Remus hasn't really studied Psychology.**


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